In a culture where to be busy is to be successful, is it possible for men or women to take the time to actually be content with their work or home lives?If work seems to be an eternally growing list of events and responsibilities, home life is just as bad.
Is there anything wrong with this exhausting check list if it allows everyone to thrive at home and at work?
Working mothers have been told what they “should” be doing since they entered the workplace. Second wave feminist ideals and traditional business smarts dictate that keeping up with the men at work means putting in the hours in the office, networking and following in the footsteps of earlier leaders. The study of child development creates a check list of how to best raise children, and shames those who aren’t meeting these requirements. Our social lives, spiritual lives, even love lives, become a stale count of what we “should” be doing to be successful. All of these things are based in pretty firm evidence. However, achieving them everything we “should” would require time we simply do not have, leaving men and women burnt out and unhappy.
Are Women Too Busy To Be Successful?
ReplyDeleteby Kate Taylor
Forbes
http://www.forbes.com/sites/katetaylor/2012/07/02/are-women-too-busy-to-be-successful/
In the past week, two articles have been all over my Twitter and Facebook: “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All” by Anne-Marie Slaughter, and “The Busy Trap” by Tim Kreider. “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All” left me with mixed feelings that Maha Atal was able to put into words better than I. However, while reading “The Busy Trap” on my iPhone in a crowded sports bar on Sunday, an event I squeezed in between my brunch plans and a running date, my true issues with Slaughter’s article clicked.
As much as I respect Slaughter’s assertion that women can’t “have it all” in that they will not have time in the day to do everything they feel they should at work and home, I don’t think this is completely a “woman problem.” Clearly, in business, women face unique challenges including the continuing pay gap and the assumed role of homemaker. However, when it comes to “having it all,” both men and women are increasingly running out of time as they feel the need to stuff their days with to-do lists and events, leaving little time for relaxation or idleness.
In a culture where to be busy is to be successful, is it possible for men or women to take the time to actually be content with their work or home lives?
In “The Busy Trap: Kreider states “Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as ricket.” Kreider’s solution is to personally take time to relax, working hard for four to five hours.
I disagree with Kreider’s conviction that this busyness is self-imposed. For most people, skipping out of work to go on a bike ride when a friend texts isn’t an option, unless they want to be fired. Most Americans work to make money to provide for themselves and their families. As in the case of Slaughter’s article, the writer comes from a position of privilege, where they can cut down on their work hours and still not only survive but also be considered incredibly successful. However, even at the highest levels where it seems like freedom could be a job perk, idleness isn’t a possibility.
Collecting information for FORBES annual Power Women list, I’m constantly amazed not only how much these women work, but in the number of areas they are committed. Giving lectures, sitting on corporate boards and raising a family are all added on to hours spent on the job. Even amongst my friends, the assumed course of action to find internships, on top of studying for the LSAT/MCAT/GRE, maintaining a social and romantic lives, getting a job if internships are unpaid and making it all seem easy reveals the beginnings of a workday that never really ends. Slaughter’s hours at work plus writing books plus giving lectures plus parent teacher conferences aren’t an anomaly, but fit into a larger trend of men and women who are presented with a certain way of being successful that necessitates a near endless to-do list at work and at home.
If work seems to be an eternally growing list of events and responsibilities, home life is just as bad. Articles on how to “best” be a parent – usually a mom – are constantly churning out. If you aren’t breast feeding, you’re a bad mother. If you aren’t home for dinner, you’re a bad mother. If you don’t sign your kids up for the correct extracurriculars, you’re a bad mother who presumably doesn’t care about her child’s future. All of these events are added on to the basic necessities of childcare, which are enough to already serve as a full time job. For mothers and fathers who work and want the best for their children, going home seems to be more items on the busy list, rushing their kids from one event they can’t miss to the next.
ReplyDeleteIs there anything wrong with this exhausting check list if it allows everyone to thrive at home and at work? It depends on what you want out of it. The end goal at home and at work seems to be to achieve “success,” either by reaching the top of one’s field in influence and power or by somehow producing a well-rounded kid on his or her own path to “success.” At work, taking on more responsibilities and being present at endless networking events and boards does pay off. Hard work represented in the short hand of hours working is often rewarded. And, if a study proves that factor x causes children to be better off later in life, I’m hardly qualified to disagree. However, in the long run, is this how we want to define success? And at what cost does this success come?
I’m not saying we should chuck the to-do list. Clearly, most people have huge time obligations to both their work and their kids. However, there are worse things in the world than allowing items of pure “busyness” to go unchecked.
When discussing “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All” with friends, the discussion shifted to our own childhoods. One of my friends who disagreed with Slaughter brought up how her father, a firefighter, would regularly have to miss holidays or life milestones because of his job. Despite the parenting deal breaker, he was more than able to be a part of his children’s lives by making them aware of why his job was important and spending time with them in his down time.
Other friends agreed – growing up with both parents working, or even one working parent spending less time at home, took compromise not only between parents, but also with kids. For some, this meant parents divvying up the duties so both could work full time. For others, it meant time with a grandparent or in childcare. Especially as kids grow older, missing out on “big” moments was less important than understanding of our parents’ investment and demonstration of this investment in creative ways. It’s in having the time for the necessities of childcare where the struggle truly lies, especially for single parents constricted by inflexible work hours.
However, evidence is beginning to show that employers should start acknowledging creative investment and flexibility in the same way my friend group recognizes that of our parents. I do not think the fact that ‘The Busy Trap’ became extremely popular with my high achieving collegiate friends was a fluke. Millennials have been on a constant treadmill of busyness since grade school. It is a cycle that is hard to break, as every self-congratulating statement that we are “so busy” demonstrates. However, many are realizing we have to get off the treadmill, at risk of burnout and complete dissatisfaction. Busyness may not be as self-imposed as Kreider believes it to be, but it is certainly destructive.
Further, finding more flexible and creative ways to be productive in the office and at home may serve not only yourself, but also your company. Flexibility, as opposed to the current elevation of getting face time in the office and checking off specific boxes of achievement, seems to be a potential future career boosting buzzword. Slaughter cites a number of studies that demonstrate greater flexibility at work allows for increased job satisfaction and performance. Kreider’s evidence is more anecdotal, but hits on the same points. His friends who feel pressured to be in constant motion with their work, as well as their home and social lives, aren’t achieving more than those who aren’t. They are, however, much less happy.
ReplyDeleteWorking mothers have been told what they “should” be doing since they entered the workplace. Second wave feminist ideals and traditional business smarts dictate that keeping up with the men at work means putting in the hours in the office, networking and following in the footsteps of earlier leaders. The study of child development creates a check list of how to best raise children, and shames those who aren’t meeting these requirements. Our social lives, spiritual lives, even love lives, become a stale count of what we “should” be doing to be successful. All of these things are based in pretty firm evidence. However, achieving them everything we “should” would require time we simply do not have, leaving men and women burnt out and unhappy.
I don’t expect an overnight overthrow of busyness in America’s working or social lives. However, I hope that someone will read this article and try and promote more flexible work hours, for the good of their organization. Or, not feel bad for missing dinner at home, but letting the kids skip soccer practice to get ice cream as a family on the weekend. Your relationships – with your work and with the people you care about – are what will be most important in the end. Not all items on the to-do list are self-imposed, but take time to evaluate what is crucial and what is just busy work. If you create some space in the busyness of life to foster the relationships that matter most, instead of going through the motions, and you’ll achieve your own unique balance of success.
It’s Your Patriotic Duty to Be Overworked and Miserable
ReplyDeleteby Erin Gloria Ryan
Jezebel: Home of Shiny Happy Ladies
http://jezebel.com/5923335/its-your-patriotic-duty-to-be-overworked-and-miserable